Kind of a Depressing Day

The day really wasn't that depressing until I read that Heath Ledger died. I was not some obsessed fan and I will not be having a wake for him, but when someone dies who you thought was invincible-it is kind of mind boggling. He was 28 years old, one year older than me. Whether he killed himself or took too many pills, it doesn't matter. He was trying to drown whatever sorrow he was feeling by ending his life or taking enough sleep pills so that he would forget his life for several days...it's still sad.

I have also been feeling kind of down about my I. C. (see ic-network.com). I guess I will feeling sorry for myself. This chronic pain that i have day in and day out. This burning and pressure that I have and constant feeling that "I have to go to the bathroom" and then telling myself, "Wait a minute, no you don't really have to go. That's your IC." It's hard for people to understand who don't have it. They won't every understand how it feels to feel like you have a bladder infection all of the time, but antibiotics won't fix this. That you can't enjoy tomatoes, chocolate, soda, and the list goes on and on. All of this kind of makes me sad.

I am not trying to sound cliche or anything, but in all of this I realize that God understands my pain and even has a plan for all of it (though I can't seem to figure that one out). And like my pastor said, I need to lean harder into God instead of ignoring him or turning my back on him. When you are in physical pain that is really hard to do, but if one sparrow doesn't fall to the ground without God's knowing it, deep down I know he is watching over me and cares for me and there's a reason for it all.